It is now constitutional for a good portion of my income to pick up the tab for some sickly slob’s stomach stapling. Fantastic. Perhaps I’m being selfish, though. Maybe it is our collective job to subsidize Jim’s lifestyle. Who is Jim, you ask?
Jim lives two states away from wherever you, the reader, live. Around noon today, as we were all at work, Jim gasped for air as his lungs compressed against his ample folds of fat as he futily attempted to sit up from the couch to grab his bag of cheetos. After wallowing and flailing his chubby limbs a few times, Jim managed to gain enough momentum to lurch his obscenely obese frame within a foot of the cheetos. Jim greedily stuffed his face using the double fist technique, pausing only to catch his breath between gulping cheesy orange mouthfuls of the snack. After knocking down the bag, Jim cracks the half empty two liter of moon mist and swills the rest of the sugary liquid. Satiated, Jim rolls over on his blubbery back, letting a grin play over his orange crumbed lips.
That’s what Jim did today! Five years from now, we get to pay for this degenerate’s heart surgery. Thanks, Barack.
“Liberalism: Ideas so good they have to be mandatory.” -Andrew Wilkow