Conspiracy Theorists: Here’s looking at you.

“Hey,” he says in a hushed tone, beckoning you closer with a subtle head nod.  You oblige.  Again, he starts in “Hey, so what do you think of this whole Bin Laden deal?”  You know where this is going, so you offer up a hurried, yet generic patriotic reply, to which your met with a simultaneously condescending and knowing smirk.  He retorts with, “Wanna know what’s really going on?”  “No,” you think silently, yet begrudgingly resign yourself to the tin-foil hat spawned ideas emanating form his perpetually paranoid pate.

You’ll spend the next half hour tuning in and out of a story artlessly weaving the so-called lie about Osama’s death being connected to government inspired fake moon landings, Jay-Z and Rihanna’s connection to the illuminati ran White House, and how JFK’s true assassin definitely spearheaded the government’s obvious involvement in masterminding 9/11 so the North American Union could seize ultimate control of the black market blood diamond trade.

Follow all that?  Of course not, unless you are that guy.  Now, if you are that guy then you have immediately dismissed Killer J as either “one of them” or one of the many “easily duped, bleating sheeple.”  Let me clear things up for your feeble mind, I’m “one of them” and I’m coming for you.  Close your curtains and lock your doors, you kooky freak.  Better yet, start a cult, lock your followers and yourself inside some fortress, and never come out.  Just please quit looking for a story that simply isn’t there.  Thank you for your time.  🙂


5 thoughts on “Conspiracy Theorists: Here’s looking at you.

  1. You know what’s funny? Because of all of this, my friends and I are now interested in the epistemology of conspiracy theories. If I have enough info, I may teach a section on it. I’m leaning toward some evolutionary reason as to why people believe these crazy things. People are too comfortable with their ideology and so anything that breaks apart their ideology is an affront to their very livelihood. This is partially why I teach skepticism because it teaches students that attaching yourself to an ideology isn’t healthy.

    • I don’t follow. Are you lauding conspiracy theorists for their skepticism? Or are you saying they’re kooks and have taken it a bit far?

      • I’m critiquing them because they have no foundation for their beliefs.

        When I teach skepticism to my class, they get discouraged because they think that it’s a useless venture. But then I bring up conspiracy theories and I tell them that they ARE skeptical of these beliefs. Thus skepticism is healthy. The conspiracy theorists are not skeptics–in the strict sense–because they are holding onto an ideology.

  2. Behind every conspiracy theory is the deep seeded need for every Captain Nemo to run around saying::”I know something you don`t Know”

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