Parades: American tradition, or catalyst for brain rot?  Maybe both.  I’ve been to more than one parade, each time telling myself, “maybe this time I’ll get why everybody else flocks to these mundane monstrosities.”  I’m left scratching my sun burned, sweaty, scalp at the conclusion of each of these parades feeling the shame, regret, physical discomfort, and mental anguish one must go through the morning after a drunken affair with Bobbi, the she-male.

I managed to watch 15 minutes of the Pioneer Day Parade this morning as I slurped down some unsweetened oatmeal, the former of which managed to be more bland than the latter.  Too lazy to reach for the remote, I clued in to the commentary in time to hear the silly man declare one of the floats to be a “feast for the eyes.”  Intrigued, I looked up from my bowl of slop to see a pioneer woman waving at the crowd beneath a gigantic, wobbling cow piñata.  “Last straw,” I thought to myself as I reached for the remote: click Parade click Parade click Parade click Parade.  What gives?

Am I alone here? Is it taboo to flip off floats? I need answers.


6 thoughts on “Parades

  1. No it is not wrong. Parades are not boring they are the spawn of the debil. Why people spend all that time to watch a flatbed with crepe paper is beyond me. I have seen fights start, repeatedly, over spots on a parade route. It brings out the worst and dumbest in people.

    Just sayin

  2. Parades are great. I have been in three of them myself. I enjoy watching them also. If that makes me an idiot, so be it.

  3. At this stage in my life I just can’t get into them. Best one I was ever in was while I lived on the north rim of the Grand Canyon. We were commemorating a snow storm in Yellowstone x number of years ago where the employees decided to have Xmas in the middle of summer for all the snowed in guests.

    I don’t really remember what was more fun; the puzzled looks on all the tourists faces or the antics of all the inebriated employees.

  4. seems to me like parades are for parents and grandparents to watch their children and grandchildren go by on the back of a truck. Its like being on local TV to be on a parade.

  5. Sorry life has left you guys so bitter. You have inspired me to make a goal to be in three parades over the next year. Picture me roll’n!

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