The more I learn about the world, the more convinced I become I don’t know jack.  I decided I needed to know more about cool shit like black holes and the universe.  I bought Stephen Hawking’s, “A Brief History of Time.” Hawking does an excellent job creating a dumbed down explanation of the universe, but I learned so many new things that I unwittingly ended up having five times as many new questions than before I bought the book!  Like, why can’t light escape a black hole?  It’s LIGHT, for hell’s sake!


My profession is the same way.  Prior to my professional and educational experience, I figured I give good advice so I’d make a good therapist.  I have since learned that to effectively help somebody, you must take ecology, biology, psychology, society, cultural influence, thinking patterns, past trauma, strengths, weaknesses, intelligence, learning styles, thought patterns, verbal communication style, non-verbal communication, resistance to treatment, legal history, drug and alcohol history, developmental level, gender, ethnicity, etc. in to account.  Also, you must simultaneously be empathic, compassionate, self-aware, charismatic, believable, logical, and intuitive all while having their best interests in mind.  I love my job, but I’m fully aware I have just scratched the surface.


For the record, the universe and psychology are definitely heady matters, but don’t even get me started on the wonders of jiu jitsu.


Anger as a Tool

During training today, a buddy of mine got pretty upset after losing a match to a fellow training partner.  After tapping out to an arm lock, he sprang up with a heated expression on his face, cussed, and paced around the gym while stewing.  He was clearly disappointed with his performance.  It was apparent, however, that if he would have had time (it was towards the end of training session), he would have challenged the guy that just beat him to a rematch.  Anyway, he was calm within a minute or two.  He asked me something to the effect of, “Is it bad that I got mad?”

In order to make a value judgment on an emotion like anger, I think you need to look at the behavior that follows the emotion.  Emotion, by itself, is a reaction to your belief system.  If our belief system is irrational, our emotions get the best of us and we behave poorly or ineffectively.  If our belief system is rational, our emotions are simply fuel for productivity and growth.  In order to determine whether or not anger is productive or acceptable, you must look at the behavior that follows the emotional response.


Let’s break down my buddy’s experience.  First, he gets beat.  Second, he becomes angry due to some type of internal dialogue he had about his performance.  Probably something like, “Dammit, I can do better than that!”  Third, he became angry but would have (fourth) gone on to challenge the guy to a rematch.

To me, his anger was productive in that he used it to better himself.  This is due to his rational belief of, “I can do better than that.”  If his belief had been, “I absolutely cannot lose.  If I lose, I’m worthless,” then he would have still had the emotional response of anger upon losing.  His behavior, however, would have likely been to sulk and go home.  He would avoid the hurdle (the guy that beat him) due to self imposed avoidance of his irrational belief, “I’m worthless when I lose.”  Instead of attempting to better his situation, he would stagnate and never progress.

So, what do you think?  Is it bad to get pissed off at yourself for not performing up to what you feel your standards should be?


dualityEngineered precision * geared primordial mechanism

Unequivocal persistence * combats mortal resistance

Synchronized dualism overrides * cellular genocide

Self-imposed failure * hallmarks masochistic endeavor

Elite status *warrants transcending multiple practice

Neo-gladiator stage * outlet channeled rage

Contempt for sedentary frail * spawn alpha male

-King Creatine, 2004

Throwdown Accountability Thread

I decided to register for the Throwdown Tournament in November.  Right now, I’m fat, slow, and out of shape.  I’m going to use this blog as my form of accountability.  I did this once before for the Boise tournament, and it worked out nicely.  This post may be boring as hell for most people, but I’m going to keep an ongoing log on this thread.  The tournament is Nov. 14th, which gives me five weeks.

Conditioning goal:  Intensive cardio four times per week.

Training goal:  Train two to three times per week.  Spend a lot of time working from guard, as my takedowns may be lacking due to my shitty ankle.

Weight goal (the hard one):  Right now I weight 203.  The weight classes are 185 and below for middle weight, and 205 and below for light heavyweight.  I feel strong at light heavy, but will probably be at a disadvantage due to guys that weight 220 cutting down to make the 205 limit.  I may shoot for 185.

Division:  There are only two divisions based on difficulty.  This sucks.  Here’s my poll question.

Do I sand bag and enter the beginner division (I’ve been training two years, beginner is usually 18 months or less)?  Or do I enter the Title division (this could be guys with years and years of more experience)?

Day 1) Nutrition: six meals, all clean.  Conditioning:  low intensity cardio mixed with moderate intensity plyos.  Training:  Guillotines and guillotine defense.

Day 2) Nutrition: six meals, all clean.  Conditioning: 45 min. moderate-high intensity cardio.  Training: none

Day 3) Nutrition: six meals, all clean. Conditioning: 1 hour high intensity cardio mixed with core exercises.  Training: none

Day 4) Nutrition: six meals, all clean. Conditioning: 45 min. boot camp style and 15 min. moderate intensity cardio. Training: None (I was supposed to train today, but covered a couple groups for a friend)

Day 5) Nutrition: six meals, five clean, one moderate.  Conditioning: 1 hour Dragon Eagle. Training: None

Day 6) Nutrition: five meals, four clean, one low/moderate, Conditioning: none.  Training: 2 hours open mat

Day 7) Nutrition: four meals, three clean, one cheat.  Conditioning: none. Training: none.

Day 8) Nutrition: five meals, all clean. Conditioning: 1 hour high intensity weight training plus plyos. Training: 1 hour Ironman style.

Day 9) Nutrition: five meals, all clean. Conditioning: 1 hour moderate to high intensity cardio with core work.  Training: None

Day 10) Nutrition: six meals, all clean. Conditioning: 1 hour high intensity weights with cardio. Training: None

Day 11) Nutrition: five meals, all clean. Conditioning: 1 hour boot camp at Gold’s. Training: 1.5 hours.  Worked on calf slicers.

Day 12) Nutrition: six meals, five clean one moderate.  Conditioning: Dragon Eagle.  Training: none.

Stalemate. (Westside vs. Foley’s II)

STALE-mate.  That’s what my grappling fight basically was today at the Foley’s vs. Westside Jiujitsu Tournament.  I weighed in at 203, which put me in with the heavyweights by three pounds.  There were all of three people in my division (all from Westside), and I got a first round bye due to my good looks.  This put me in to the Championship round without me having to even take off my warmups!

Tory got the best of Tony, so it ended up being me vs. Tory.  I’ll spare the details, because our match went the entire regulation PLUS ten minutes sudden death overtime without either of us scoring a point!  The most exciting part of our match was the ongoing commentary between Tory and I:

T: “Why you grabbing your shorts?”

J: “Why do you have to be so sweaty?”

T: “You got a bye, I’ve already had a match.”

J: “Don’t worry, I’ll end this quickly.”

T: “Quit laying there and do something then!”

The friendly banter kept some of the attention off our snoozer of a bout.  I ended up getting the nod from the judges, as apparently I attempted more submissions even though he had dominant position (in my guard) for most of overtime.  It’s not much of a victory, as most of the time Tory ragdolls me when we train together.  Whatever though, I’ll take it.  Here’s a snapshot from the crowd:


My personal highlight was I got to sport these:


That’s right, socks with toes.  Looks a little fruity?  To hell with it.  Give me five toed socks with rainbow stripes, I’ll rock that shit all day!  Seriously though, these socks save my feet from getting dinged up plus they have traction on the bottom.  They provide traction like wrestling shoes, but keep me from getting heel hooked easily!  Plus, they creep opponents out.


Those who have been following Killer J for a while might know my preparation for grappling tournaments is usually pretty solid.  I usually start a strict nutrition regimen approximately four weeks out, and begin conditioning six weeks prior to that.  Nutrition, conditioning, and steady training usually have me feeling somewhat confident come fight day.

Well, I have a tournament (albeit a small one) Saturday and I haven’t prepped for shit!  I could blame my lack of preparation on the rash of injuries I’ve had, but that would only explain why I’ve taken it easy in training.   The last few weekends I’ve managed to gorge myself with a steady stream of Beto’s, Domino’s, and other less than stellar weekend vices.  As far as conditioning, I flexed in the mirror a couple times recently on the way to the refrigerator.  Here’s a picture of me getting undressed after work for the official weigh-ins:


So, I’m wondering what my post following the tournament will be like.  Will I get spanked and pull a Tito Ortiz impersonation and blame my poor performance on the injuries?  (Sorry Tito, you’re one of my favorites but you do this a lot.)  Or will I do well and post something conceited about “rolling off the sofa long enough to tie somebody in a knot?”

Time will tell.

Small Minds

“Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

1) What do you think about this?

2) Where do you fall?

Discussing only ideas reminds me of the pontificating professor, secluded from the world in his academic egg shell.  Talking only about people makes me think of the usual demographic that watches endless reality shows.