Gym Jerks

Go to any “fitness” oriented website and click on the forums.  You’ll probably find threads dedicated to people ranting about people at the gym that annoy them, just like this one.  I noticed two new specimens worthy of mention.

1) Share the Wealth: The Share the Wealth guy is the morbidly obese nuisance in the gym as well as the locker room.  He’s the sweaty fat dude that doesn’t wipe down his equipment after using it.  This is the guy that leaves a coat of sweat on the bench when he gets up.  You can actually see the outlines of his rolls of fat displaced in sweat on the bench!

mold toy

It’s like one of these, but with sweat!

This guy is even worse in the locker room.  Take today, for instance.  I usually put my water bottle and bag on the bench inside the locker room while I change, that way I don’t have to put my water bottle on the nasty floor.  No longer will I do this.  Share the Wealth guy was sitting naked, on the bench.  A random assortment of flaps and folds drooped over the bench in a weird, abstract manner.  It didn’t even look human.  It was like a fleshy Jackson Pollock.  My bewilderment gave way to disgust, as I discovered dude’s dripping, derriere was directly covering where I put my water bottle!  I will be taking my chances with the ground from now on.

2) Curls in the Squat Rack: This pitiful emasculated runt probably doesn’t know any better.  In fact, you may be this runt so pay attention.  The squat rack is for squatting.  Squats are hard.  They suck.  Yet, they are mandatory if you want to get strong.  Squats also require an apparatus capable of supporting several hundred pounds safely.  God gave us the squat rack for this purpose.  Why then, do I inevitably catch posers doing curls of all things in the squat rack?

Do you need to feel safe encompassed in the steel cage?  Is the 45 lbs. you are curling too much to lower all the way to the ground, so you rack it in the squat rack?  Why?!  Look, stick to posing in the mirror while you work your gunzz.  Leave my squat rack alone.   🙂


9 thoughts on “Gym Jerks

  1. How about the Friendly Bench Sitter? This guy talks to his friend and he happens to be sitting on a bench that I just want to use. First of all, go somewhere else if you want to talk, or at least get out of the way. The gym is for working out, not talking it out. Secondly, do you really need to sit down for all that time just to talk to your friend? What are you doing in the gym in the first place? Shut your yap and go do something, anything. Don’t just sit there.

  2. Lol those are new ones to me. I’ve never thought about not putting my gym bottle down on those benches, but I’ll think twice now! I’m sure there are Share the Wealth Females, too. SICK!

    Lately, I’ve been annoyed by the ‘Socially confused gym butterflies.’ I refer to them as being confused because they think gym time consists of finding old friends and talking to them the ENTIRE “work-out.” That’s the guy/girl whom you used to be aquainted with, or maybe even friends with in some past time, and when they spot you at the gym, they want to catch up on EVERYTHING that has been going on in their lives AND yours the entire time YOU want to be focusing on your work out!

    This happens to me ALL of the time. I’m too nice to be like, “Hey, listen, you’re disrupting my work out, dick… eff off.” I can’t be an ass to them, because I was aquainted/friends with them before. So, I’m stuck. I don’t mind if they want to come and chat if they’re working out and letting me work out WHILE they talk… BUT I’ve noticed this RARELY happens. I agree with Shaun: “Shut your yap and go do something, anything.” Damn social butterflies. I’ve got many gym pet peeves, but this one seems to have been happening the most lately. Eff!

  3. Good one Shaun. Your guy is in the same kingdom as my guy, in that the useless idiots both occupy space. Yours is a talker, mine is a sweater.

    Fare, I found the cure for the SCGB. Ipod and no eye contact. The no eye contact is the key, try it!

  4. You know, I hadn’t ever really noticed this phenomenon so I set out to notice these gym jerks over the past week. Sure enough, every idiot using the squat rack for biceps purposes was a total weakling with terrible form! Case in point, today there was a guy curling the bar in the squat rack, and in order to hoist his bar to the end of the motion he had to swing his hips back, and forth a good 12 inches to propel that bar upwards. Oddly enough, this guy was physically larger than most (not fat) which made it even more pathetic. Like you said, squats are serious, grueling, and the few area we have in gyms to do them need to be reserved for them…My pet peeve in the gym are dudes who wear the perfectly pressed gym outfit that accentuates their body art, they wear cologne, 2 pounds of hair gel, and only target the muscles that are visually appealing to the opposite sex! People who only bench, and do bicep curls week in and week out annoy me, because they act like they have a place in posing and flexing in the mirror next to me. I love lifting, but to me it’s business, and I’m the most anti-social, don’t F with me prick in the world while I’m in the middle of my routine.

  5. yeah, i hate people who don’t go to the gym to push themselves they go to BS.
    if you want to do bicep curls use the curling bar, not the bar that’s used for squat bench and hang clean… one, its lighter so you sissies who can’t lift it without pelvic thrusting the girl on the treadmill in front of you can ACTUALLY lift something.
    im one of the strongest guys that i know and its because i want to work out, not BS all the time.
    i agree, iPod and just stare right into the mirror/bar/wall/rack and don’t look away!

  6. Pingback: Gym Jerk II « Killer J

  7. Pingback: The Captain of Gym Jerks | Killer J

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