Friday, March 23, 2007
Chuck Norris fact: I am no Chuck Norris.
Last night, I found that “looks” is all that I share with Mr. Norris. There is, in fact, a chin behind my beard and not another fist (as is the case with Chuck*).
This declaration of my apparent mortality comes after a misguided attempt to pursue my Muay Thai kickboxing aspirations. I went to my first (and perhaps last) class last night. Somehow, during the process of throwing a sloppy left hook at a hand-pad, I managed to sever my bicep. My arm said, “POP!” and my bicep released from my elbow and snaked up my arm, ultimately creating an awkward bulge in my shoulder. I resemble “Bizzaro World” Popeye (with Chuck’s face, of course).
I go in for surgery on Tuesday to reverse the Popeye effect. Upon researching what is referred to as a distal bicep tear, I found, “the distal bicep tear accounts for less than 5% of biceps tendon ruptures. This injury is also usually found in middle-aged patients.”
LOL! What the hell is that?!!
I guess I do have more in common with the Texas Ranger, in that my 25 year old body is actually closer to 55. Maybe I should start peddling the “Total Gym” on TV with Christie Brinkley, and give up the, “Go big, or go home!” mentality.
I expect all of my friends/family to respond to this blog, displaying either sympathy or derision (I expect both). Show my broken-ness some love!